Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Movies That Traumatized Me as a Kid

Other than Titanic, there are quite a few movies that really upset me when I was younger.  I was a pretty emotional kid, and if I'd see a particular scene in a movie that made me cry, I would play it and replay it in my head for, like, weeks, just making myself absolutely miserable.  I don't know why I did this - it seems weird now.  But likewise, if I saw something that scared me, I would fixate and obsess over that scene for days afterward, giving myself nightmares and requiring a flashlight to go to the bathroom at night.  This list definitely does not include all of them, but here are a few movies that I found particularly upsetting as a child.

Selena (photo from here)

This movie, starring Jennifer Lopez, was about the short life of the popular Hispanic singer named Selena.  (I don't even know if she was that relevant.  Remember the song "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"?)  My sister, having introduced me to Selena and all the music I knew at this point in my life (1997), decided it would be a good idea to take me to see this movie in theaters, PG-13 rating and Mom's protests be damned.  I was seven years old, and it was traumatizing.  Basically, Selena gets shot at 23 years old by her best friend, and she dies.  I even remember sneaking in three peanut butter Girl Scout cookies in a plastic Baggie and then NOT EVEN EATING THEM, that's how upset I was.  I think I cried for like three days afterward.  Thanks, Angie.  Oh, also.  In my first grade journal, there is a five page long essay on this movie and how Selena gets murdered - this caused my first grade teacher to contact my mom and ask her if I was "all right."

But my sister also thought it was funny to, midway through TGIF on Friday nights, act like she was insane and scream at me, "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BRAIN."  I knew there wasn't anything wrong with her brain (besides being a dick), since she did it like every week, but I would cry anyway.  Sigh.

The Wizard of Oz (photo from here)

It wasn't so much the movie that freaked me out.  It was this poster, in glued-together-puzzle form, that hung on the door of my childhood bedroom.  That witch entered my nightmares, like, every night.  I would summon my dad from downstairs (using a high-pitched "MMMM-mmm", for whatever reason), and make him hang a plain white piece of notebook paper over the witch's face with Scotch tape.  As long as the witch's face was covered up, I was just fine.

The movie Return to Oz, however?  Different story.  That movie was messed up.  Especially the scene with all the heads - you know what I'm talking about.  Terrifying.

The Land Before Time (video from YouTube)
This particular scene.  I don't know why it gets me, but it does.  Every single time.  Little Foot's mom has just died, which is upsetting enough, okay?  And then Little Foot is SO DEPRESSED AND SO SAD that he doesn't even acknowledge this adorable little bird offering him a berry.  I mean, my God.  Does this upset anyone else?!  When I first watched this, I bawled and bawled and bawled.  And then I would rewind it and cry some more.  I thought there was something wrong with me because I had never cried about a movie before this one, but OMG THE FEELS.  :(

The Ring (photo from here)
Just Googling images for this movie was enough to make me sleep with the lights on tonight and SpongeBob playing, you guys.  This movie is some scary shit.  I can't remember the exact first time I saw it, but I remember one time was during a church group lock-in (a CHURCH.  What were they thinking, showing this?!), and I wasn't paying much attention because I was with my seventh-grade "boyfriend", who laughed when the horse jumped out of the boat and hit the bars.  What a jerk.  But I do remember watching it time and time again after that, and being SO SCARED of that little girl.  What is it about the hair over the face thing that is so damn scary?  It made such an impact on my friends and I that we recorded a remake of The Ring a year later - I was Samara, no big deal.  I don't even think I could watch this at this age.  Soo scary.

Valentine (photo from here)
This was even before The Ring, and it, along with Thirteen Ghosts, was one of the first horror films I had ever experienced.  My mom wasn't big on scary movies or PG-13 rated movies in general - she wouldn't even let me watch Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged Me at a sleepover!  I watched this (well, I didn't watch more than I watched) during a sleepover in a friend's camper.  Outside.  In the country.  Why we thought that would be a good idea, I do not know.  There were five of us squeezed in the bed watching this movie, and it still wasn't enough people.  I was scared shitless, and I had my head under the blanket almost the entire time.  All I really remember is a girl being murdered in her hot tub.  And I still won't watch it.

Any movie involving vomit
I'm not including a photo with this one, because, ew.  Big Daddy.  Rat Race.  Cheaper by the Dozen.  Little Nicky.  Wedding Singer.  (Thanks a lot, Adam Sandler.)  The Sandlot.  Not to mention the absolutely horrific vomiting scenes in Pitch Perfect, which, even at 23, disgust me.  Vomit didn't even have to be seen - just the noises would get me.  I'd make myself sick with it, remembering the gray chunks of puke in Big Daddy being covered up with newspaper.  Ugh.  I LOVED the movie Bring It On, but I'd always have to leave the room at some point, because a cheerleader pukes.  Screenwriters!  Listen!  Puking is NOT funny!  Ever!  Under no circumstance is vomiting funny!  I've become slightly less obsessive since I was young, but this is still something that bothers me a little :)

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (photo from here)
I just remember the scene where the monster-sized kid stomps downtown, rips a guitar off a building, and tries to play it while helicopters, what, like gun him down?  I really hated that scene.  I think it was more because of the loud noises than anything else; I was also scared of the music/dancing scene in Snow White and the scene where the owl flies in the window in Labyrinth for this same reason.  I don't even know, I was a weird kid.

The Lion King (photo from here)
Obviously.  Although looking at this makes me feel a little better (here):

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (photo from here)
This scene.  Shudder.  

I was also terrified of "It's Pat" from SNL (here):
And this blind girl named Patty who was on Barney once (from YouTube):
I am not sure why.  But I made my mom turn the Barney tape off whenever Patty came on.  I am a horrible person.  

Sweet dreams!  :)


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