Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Definitive Proof I Was At My Coolest in Kindergarten

Okay, so you'll have to indulge me for this post.  I just started making real use of our new printer/copier/scanner, and I have had so much fun scanning old photos into my computer.  While looking through a box of crap for photos, I found some real gems....which led me to the realization that I was the coolest gee-dee kindergartner there ever was.  (If you knew me in kindergarten, you will know that this is, in fact, not true.  I wore overalls and clogs, I pretended to really be sleeping at naptime and the teacher would get pissed, and I often bypassed playing with friends in order to read a book.)  But check these out:

There was a boy who sat in front of Deb (my mom).  He farted!  It vibrated on his chair!  He turned around to Deb and said, "Flapjack!"  I turned this in to my teacher.  Like, for an assignment.  My mom must have told me this story and the pure hilarity of it stuck in my head - so much so that I found it appropriate to report to my teacher.  (Also, the irony that this is written all in brown does not escape me.)

So.  In my kindergarten class, we were told to create an alphabet book, in which we would collect photos from magazines that all started with the same letter.  After it had already been turned in and perused by the teacher, my brother thought it would be hilarious to make some illustrated additions of his own.  I fancied myself a rebel and decided to discreetly copy his drawings...this particular page includes All, the alphabet, Annie, and "ass".  I was five.

Friends, fruit, fireworks, flowers, and, of course, fart.

Betcha can't tell which drawings are the five-year-old's and which ones are the 16-year-old's... ;)

Shit was an especially naughty word, so I had to be extra careful copying this one down.  I figured the lighter I wrote it, the safer I'd be.

Dear Angie, Tell Mom to come upstairs.  I need to talk to her.  I need to ask her how a baby gets out of wombs.  REMEMBER!  Chelsea.  This is one of my favorite things ever.
And this happened.  I was inspired by a photo in my sister's jewelry box of her photo pasted next to...I don't know, was it Scott Speedman?  Luke Perry?  I decided to make my own.  I had impeccable cutting/gluing skills, as you can see. (And Chris Kirkpatrick, I'm sorry - looks like you got your ass kicked.  See what I did there?)

Also, I had some pretty serious swag:
Blossom-esque hat, check!  Snarky, too cool for school attitude, check!  Sears catalog...CHECK!

And I'm not even sure what this is.  A romper that looks like the opening credits of Saved by the Bell, a Blair Waldorf headband, and a pearl necklace?  Whatever it is...I love it.  Good job dressin' me, Mom!

Also, Jared was super cool when he was younger, too.  See?:

Hey, girl.  Just got my braces off.  Wanna make out?

But I think his sexiest time of all was his senior year of high school:


In other news, I wrote a post over on my other blog about how much good shelters do for animals, as well as particular animals that are in serious need of a forever home.  Please check it out and share - it's important.  Thanks for reading <3

Talk to you soon, unless my husband kills me for those photos first!  :)

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