Monday, December 9, 2013

Holiday Movies/Specials I Can't Live Without

I am currently trying to drag myself away from American Horror Story Asylum (which JUST got added to Netflix, by the way!) in order to write this post.  Not very Christmasy of me, I know, but it's pretty awesome nonetheless.  Jessica Lange can do no wrong.  I'll try to focus on this list rather than skin-mask-wearing murderers for now, but no guarantees.

5.  How the Grinch Stole Christmas
I don't know how people don't like this movie.  Yes, the cartoon version is a classic, without a doubt.  And I'm as tired of Jim Carrey as much as the next person.  But he pulled this role off.  When this was in theaters, I went five times.  Including once after Christmas, when no one else was in the theaters.  There's just nothing bad about this movie - except maybe the Faith Hill song in the end credits.  I may even tear up a few times...because God dammit, my heart grows three sizes when I watch it!

4.  Just Friends
I guess this isn't technically a Christmas movie, but it's definitely Christmas...oriented?  Ryan Reynolds (better known to me now as 'Chubby Bunny') is a god among men, and his high school infatuation with his "just friend" Jamie - played by Amy Smart - lingers around until he is a nerd no more and comes back for Christmas.  Anna Faris plays a dumb but hilarious role (let's face it, has she ever played anything other than that?) as Samantha, Chubby Bunny's annoying client.  It's just a fun, silly movie that simply isn't given enough credit.  Citizen Kane it is not.  But steer clear of Anna Faris movies if "smart" plotlines are what you're looking for.  The only thing I dislike about this movie is Amy Smart's character...she throws herself all over Chris (Ryan Reynolds) and like...writhes around on his lap and wrestles with him, but oh.  They're just "friends."  Okay, Jamie Pal, okay.

3.  The PeeWee's Playhouse Christmas Special
You should first note that this video is the entire episode.  You're welcome.  I'm so jealous of you; I wish I could watch this again for the first time ever.  There really aren't enough words to describe this Christmas special.  Here are a few:  Oprah Winfrey with her 80s hair, Annette Funicello with green teeth, three elderly women wearing booty shorts and go go boots (they have an official 'band' name, but it's unimportant for our purposes), a screaming Charo, the always-inappropriate Miss Yvonne, plus Chairy, Konky, and the whole gang.  Oh, and Cher.  I can't even think about this Christmas special without giggling.

2.  Home Alone
I love the second movie nearly as much as the first, but we'll just consolidate them into one, because it's basically the same movie except in New York.  (I refuse to acknowledge Home Alone 3, 4, and 5.)  A couple of things related to this movie:  1.  Even though most people think Kevin is kind of a shithead, I just think he's hilarious.  When he says to his mom, "I am upstairs, dummy," I usually pee in my pants a little bit because he's so awesome.  I wish I was Kevin.  Or any of the McAllisters, really - look at their house!  2.  Sometimes my sister says to me, "You are what the French call 'les incompetent."  Like when I don't know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich, make it successfully to my grandma's house without needing directions, or pack a suitcase.  (Though, to be realistic, why are they making him pack his own suitcase?  When I was 8, I certainly didn't know how to pack a suitcase.  I kind of still don't know how to pack a suitcase.  Suitcase.)  It hurts.  3.  I once worked at a video store.  While employed there, I worked with a guy named Kevin.  When he was hired, I felt so much joy inside...because if he messed up, I could say to him..."Kevin, you are such a disease."  And I did say it.  A lot.  In fact, I think he kind of hated me as a result.  ...Worth it.

Also, this is hilarious.

1.  Christmas Vacation
This movie definitely withstands the test of time.  It is still hilarious.  "And why is the floor all wet, Todd?" is still hilarious.  "Shitter was full!" is still hilarious.  "Don't throw me down, Clark," is probably the most hilarious of all, because Aunt Bethany is freaking adorable.  Also, my dad is Clark Griswold.  (Except for the corniness, and the pervertedness toward salesladies in the lingerie department.  Let's hope.)  My dad has totally stapled his shirtsleeve to a wall, and that whole ladder-falling-on-him thing has totally happened.  I'm sure he also mutters and gets inordinately angry with Christmas lights that aren't cooperating.  Also he likes eggnog (but when he drinks it, he doesn't whisper, "It's good.  It's good," in a really creepy way like "Sparky" does.  Just so you know.)

Honorable mentions go to Elf (I love me some Will Ferrell, but it's gotten a little old over the years.  Also Zooey Deschanel with blonde hair scares me a little.), Christmas Story (you'll shoot your eye out, kid!  Also, how rude is it when Santa pushes Ralphie down the slide with his boot on his forehead?!  Who does that?!), The Polar Express, Christmas With the Kranks, and A Charlie Brown Christmas (I <3 Pigpen).

Okay, back to my episode of American Horror Story!  Netflix is the best :)


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