Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Inexplicable Crushes, Part Dos!

So, remember when I actually used to blog, and I promised to continue my long, long list of crushes for weirdos?  I barely remember it myself.  But I figure I'll keep my promise.  (I was reminded to finish this list because I dreamed about Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad last night.  Not an unusual crush, per se, besides the fact that he cooks meth and everyone he loves ends up dying.  John Coffey - like the drink, only not spelt the same - from The Green Mile also played a starring role in the dream.  Sigh.  I love you, Michael Clarke Duncan, may you rest in peace.)  Here goes!

Tom, the original Barbie Game (photo from here)

In the Barbie Game, everyone loved Ken.  Including a seven-year-old me.  The Ken card in my mom's original game was bent nearly in half from her and her sister fighting to kiss it when they were younger.  If you had the Silken Flame dress, the drama club, and Ken?  You were the shit.  But looking back now, Tom was the true stud of this game.  Girls, after all, make passes at boys who wear glasses, and Tom's sweater/collared shirt combo is very fashionable.  (A plaid jacket and bowtie, Ken?  Really?)  He was the underrated dark horse of this board game.

Bob wasn't too shabby either.  Poindexter, on the other hand...

Jack Black (photo from here)

There's just something about a funny guy, no?  I first really became aware of Jack Black in School of Rock, and, while my eyes were mostly on the badass little drumming boy (I was like twelve.), Jack Black did not go unnoticed.  Even those eyebrows are somehow attractive to me.  There's really nothing like a guy who can make you laugh.

Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World (photo from here)

Okay.  This is probably pretty wrong on several levels.  But George Feeny is a stud.  When I was reading my list to Jared, he stopped me at Mr. Feeny with a loud, "WHAT?!" paired with a disgusted look.  But to him, my only response is...FEENEH!  Fee-hee-hee-hee-hee-neh!!  Brains plus a British accent plus a dignified mustache?  Whoever holds this man's heart is a lucky woman indeed.  ( <--- That definitely sounded like a Feenyism.)

Bert, Mary Poppins (photo from here)

Bert (when I say it in my head, it sounds like "Beht" like Ms. Poppins says it) was good with children, a spiffy dancer, good with his hands, artistic, and always up to have a jolly 'oliday.  When I was seven years old and thought about my wedding, it was Beht that I was getting married to.  I firmly believed that the reason Bert and Mary never had a real relationship (what was their relationship, anyway??) was because he was waiting for me.

Data, The Goonies (photo from here)

Sure, there was the obvious choice for a crush - Mikey, the adorable asthmatic adventurer.  (Alliteration not intended, I'm sorry.)  And then there was the studly older brother, Brand (SWOON!).  But as a kid, I preferred...Data.  The Asian inventor who made his entrance through windows and was the only one who had faith in his "slick shoes."  He and his little voice were absolutely freakin' precious, and my heart still breaks a little for him when he thinks that machine is printing real money and they're all gonna be rich.  (Also, remember that part in the end when they accidentally left in that reference to the deleted octopus scene?  I never knew there was an actual deleted scene, so I would always think..."Aww, that wily Data, making up dramatic lies about an octopus!  He's so cute."  Yeah.  I was dumb.)

Dexter, This Lullaby (photo from here)

Contrary to what this blog post might make you believe, I am not a woman who is only concerned with looks!  Hence, the literary crushes.  :)  This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen was one of my favorite books when I was an adolescent, mostly because of its male character named Dexter.  Dexter is hilarious and has a very charming way with words.  His vocabulary is impeccable, and he is in a band.  And I love him.

Simon Cowell AND Randy Jackson, American Idol (photo from here)

Everybody loves a guy who's a little bit of a smartass (Rhett Butler, anyone?), even moreso when they're wearing a V-neck that's just a wee bit too small.  Hence, Simon Cowell.  And there is just something endearing about Randy Jackson and the way he hung on to American Idol for so long, after everyone had left him.  I don't even bother with American Idol anymore...nothing in it for me since Keith Urban cut his hair ;)

The Beast, Beauty and the Beast (photo from here)

I was devastated when The Beast turned into a human.  Devastated.  Who would want a scrawny, pale, ponytailed dork over this beastly, bulging piece of man meat?!  Certainly not I.  Belle and I have a lot of things in common, but this is not one of them.  I was all about The Beast.  One minute he's screaming about coming down for dinner, and the next he is feeding birds out of his hands.  (Is this polarity between angry and nice, like, a Christian-Grey-esque attraction?  Hmm.)  I can't be the only one who prefers The Beast!

Other studly Disney characters:  Flynn Rider (insert "Ride-her" joke here, I'm not gonna do it for you) from Tangled, Tramp from Lady and the Tramp, Oliver from Oliver and Company, and Aladdin - of COURSE Aladdin.  I once met the "human" version of Aladdin at Disney World and my Lord.  Those abs.

Jareth the Goblin King, Labyrinth (photo from here)

There's just something there.  I don't even know.  David Bowie HAD to have stuffed socks down those tights for this role, right?  Right?!

And in case you think I am a super freak, here's Jared's list of ahem..unique..crushes:

Luna Lovegood - of Harry Potter fame, of course
Lily from As the World Turns - Jared used to watch the soap opera with his mom, and he thought Lily was a MILF
Ginger Spice - meh, not so strange, given her considerable, um, assets
Too many anime characters to name - sigh.
Princess Zelda - Husband is kind of a nerd, if you haven't noticed :)
Kris Kardashian - Jesus God.  He couldn't even explain this one.
Nala from The Lion King
Lara Croft - Of course.
Bubbles - Yes, from the Powerpuff Girls.  I think it was the pigtails.
Princess Jasmine
Claire Dunphy, from Modern Family
Ellen Degeneres - I am straight, however...I agree with this.
Abby Lee Miller - Yes.  Abby Lee Miller, the bitchy, obese dance teacher from Dance Moms.  I regret introducing Jared to this show.  If he had any objections to my crush list, this eliminates them all.  I mean...Abby Lee.  Wow.

Do you have any crushes that other people might find unusual?  :)


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