Nausea, Smelly Hands, and Wooden Rollercoasters: The Best and Worst of Adventureland

Going to the Adventureland theme park in Altoona, Iowa is an annual tradition for my siblings and I.  Visiting the park became a habit for our family when my sister and brother were in high school, the Super Screamer still existed, and the singing, guitar-playing band of dogs was still a thing.  It was once a pretty cool place...the roller coasters were terrifying, the Underground seemed pretty awesome and cutting-edge, and it cost a quarter to pick up a rubber duck and win a prize.

Remember these dogs?  I miss them :(

Today, Adventureland is actually quite sad.  That duck-picking-up game costs something like 4 bucks, and the ticket prices rival the prices of Valley Fair (which, ride-wise, is a far superior park).  The buildings are rather run-down; the paint is peeling and the wood is warping.  The rides that were once "cool" now don't work as well, and is it just me, or does the Outlaw seem about three rides away from falling apart?  We love it, though, simply because of the nostalgia element - everything (besides some new additions) stays the same from year to year.  It's kitschy, it's campy...we laugh at the creaking rides that haven't changed since our childhood and the misspelled graffiti that is poorly hidden on every wooden surface...but we love it and would probably be quite crushed if it changed too drastically.

If this doesn't get you pumped...then maybe nothing will.  (link)

As the years have gone by, our group seems to get larger every time, adding my sister-in-law, Jared, and my niece into the mix.  (This year, there will be a new baby to one day add to the trip!)  Each of us has our favorite (and least favorite) parts of the park, and all of its elements are discussed in great detail by way of a group email - which, in itself, is something to look forward to each year just because of the funny commentary my family gives!  Adventureland has a lot of good stuff (awesome people-watching opportunities, many rides for kids, and that carnival music as you walk down Main Street that hits me with a huge wave of nostalgia every time)...and quite a bit of not-so-good stuff (the train, the eating set-up, and of course the prices).

Me and Brother on the good old Scrambler

The Good:  Classic rides
The way I see it, there are three categories of rides at Adventureland - Classic, meh, and nausea-inducing.  (You will find that there is one ride in a category all its own.)  The following list is of the best rides - in my opinion - in the park.
*Teacups - particularly when you try to squeeze four grown adults into one cup
*Ladybugs (and basically every kiddie ride in the park) - my niece Audrey is a huge fan!
*Lady Luck - Although it is in danger of becoming nausea-inducing, I still enjoy it.  Though I do hate the no-single-rider rule, which often forces me to be squished into the seat beside my brother.  Which is awkward.
*All the water rides - It is true that I hate walking around all day in drenched clothing...but it is often worth it for the Raging River, the Log Ride, and the Sawmill Splash.  The Sawmill Splash is my favorite - if only I could manage to avoid touching the black seatbelts, which are always warm and moist and make your hands smell like dirty lunch trays and snow pants for the rest of the day.  For real.  Smell them next time if you don't believe me.  Also, it's always rather awkward for whoever has to sit in the back on the Log Ride and straddle the front person.
*The Outlaw - though it may not be operable for much longer, I'm afraid
*Scrambler
*G-Force
*Carousel
*Sky Ride - I am probably the only one in my family who loves the ski-lift.  I especially like looking for stuffed animals that people accidentally dropped in trees and on roofs.

Little Chelsea on the airplanes...

                                                          

Slightly bigger Chelsea on the carousel...

And Miss Audrey drivin' the boats!

Rides that are "Meh":
*Sky Wheel - rather boring, slow, and too windy for my taste.  But the views can be nice.
*Himalayas (aka "Fast Cars") - This is just jerky and awkward for whoever has to sit on the inside.  But I like the ride's choices in music.
*The Tornado
*Bumper cars - These would probably be on my "classic rides" list, if not for the fact that my siblings all make it their goal to trap me in a corner and laugh.  Not so fun.

The Bad:  Rides in Which I Worry About Vomit
*Train - The train doesn't make me want to vomit.  However, the train's path winds mainly through trees and maybe one ride.  There is literally nothing to see, and it always takes a good half hour to get them to start up the ride.  My sister insists that it gets her "excited for the day", but unless you, too, get excited by trees and chain-link fence...I'd skip this one.
*Galleon - I liked this ride until I watched someone puke off the side of it.  I have a vomit phobia...and this kind of ruined the ride for me.
*Der Flinger - Ditto.  (Thanks a lot, Brent :) )
*Falling Star - Again, ditto.
*Balloon Races - Sigh.  I have gotten so old that even this ride - which is meant mostly for kids - makes me feel nauseous.  The last time I rode it, I watched my sister break out in a pukey-sweat mustache, and I wanted to laugh at her but my stomach was too queasy.
*Tilt-A-Whirl - Ditto.  :(
*Lighthouse - Worst ride in the park.  So loud.  So sick-making.
*Dragon - After riding the Dragon, I'm always tempted to get one of those cushion-y neck braces for the pain my neck and head are in.
*Silly Silo - It always smelled like puke in there.  May it rest in peace.

(You might notice there are some rides I didn't mention - the Inverter, Space Shot, Splash-Over, etc.  I left these out only because I choose not to ride them, so I cannot fairly judge.  I'm a wuss.)

All looking at the approaching wave in fear!

The Good:  The Underground
When I went to Adventureland with my friends one year, I hyped this ride up so much that my friends were actually pissed at me when we got off.  So let's just admit this to ourselves right away:  The Underground is a horrible ride.  It's terrible.  The robots used are cheesy, half of the ride no longer works, and when you're inside the building, it's like being in a very warm, humid basement.  But to me, The Underground is so bad that it's really kind of amazing.  When the ride first came out in the 90s, it was awesome.  But now...the robot at the beginning ("Y'ain't afraid of the dark, now, are ye'?") is missing his beard and his ability to move his arms, eyes, and mouth.  The "rocks" don't "fall" anymore.  And the jerk "uphill" near the end is so rough that my sister lost her sunglasses one year.  It's pretty sad.  But every year, the worse it gets, the more I love it.  I hope they never shut it down.  (Also, the graffiti outside the ride is usually pretty great.  One example:  "For some flippity floppity, call 888-8888."  I guess all the cool kids call it flippity floppity now.)

A super-exciting 1999 ride-through of The Underground in its prime...at about 3:00, the woman says what we all feel about most amusement park rides..."I wish they designed these things for tall, fat people."  LOL!

The Bad:  Eating Outdoors

I hate eating outside.  I hate it when flies get in my food (and at Adventureland, they always do).  I hate smelling gross things while eating my food (and at Adventureland, it always smells like vomit and funnel cake).  I hate wind blowing away your napkin (and at Adventureland, just trust me...the wind will always blow away your goddamn napkin).  I also don't particularly enjoy sweat running down my back while I try to enjoy a nice hamburger.  I hate eating outside.  And it's very hard to avoid at this theme park.

The Good:  People-Watching
I get a little bored watching my siblings ride the Galleon.  I lean against the fence, hold bags, and sweat.  So it's always fun to see what kind of people are walking around Adventureland today.  Some of my favorites:  The Poor Planners (usually wearing jeans and looking miserable - denim is the worst theme-park fashion choice EVER), the Young Couples who Love PDA (usually one is carrying a huge stuffed animal and the other has his hand in her back pocket), the Weak Stomachs (although I try to avoid looking at those guys), and the Ones who Really Should Not be Wearing That (you know who you are).  It's super entertaining.  (Just so I don't seem too judgmental here, I can definitely say that to onlookers watching me, I am That Girl with a White Ring Around her Mouth who Could Pass Out Any Second.)

A newish addition to the park:  Holding baby kangaroos!

The Bad:  A General Feeling of Nausea
The idea of going to a theme park always seems really fun to me.  I picture myself playing games, riding roller coasters, having a blast.  And then I go on my first ride, and I smell that fried food in the air...and I feel a little bit...bleh.  I'm not sure if it's just me, but parks like this in general make me have a vaguely nauseous feeling for the entire rest of the day.  I think it's a mixture of spinning rides, smelly environment, and heat.  Does anyone else have this problem?

Despite being much too old for this, apparently I was just so overcome with fatigue that I had to be carried to the car.  Adventureland'll do that to ya!

(A side note:  The number of rides I can go on without feeling ill is growing smaller and smaller each year.  Because of this, I decided to save my forty bucks - plus ten bucks parking! - and skip the tradition this year.  I am sad about it, but...check out where Jared and I went instead!)

So...are you an Adventureland hater or an Adventureland lover??

xoxochelsea

Desperate for Inspiration

I had a dream.  I had lots of them.

I was going to be somebody.  Somebody that others could look up to, maybe even admire if I was lucky.  I thought I could do it all:  Write a book.  Learn a particularly difficult piece on the piano.  Save animals and inspire others to do the same.  Make a difference.

I haven't done any of those things.

link

I find it so very difficult to ignore that inner voice that keeps whispering, It's fine, we'll just do it tomorrow!  The laundry needs to be done, Riley wants a walk, and let's face it:  That Netflix queue ain't gonna watch itself.  That voice is so damn enticing.  How do I drown it out?  How do I do these things today rather than putting them off until tomorrow...or the next day, or the next?

I still want to do all those things.  But the gap between myself and those goals being met seems to keep growing - every day, the gap gets bigger and bigger and I feel a little bit more hopeless.  The voice turns ugly:  You can't do those things, anyway.  Why even try?  You'll just let yourself down.  That voice is also hard to ignore...though it is temporarily quieted by a couple spoonfuls of cookie dough.

Dorothy Parker said, "I hate writing.  I love having written."  This is the problem, in a nutshell.  I dread writing, put it off for as long as I can.  Even these blog posts (hence my weeks-long hiatus).  But once I'm done writing, and I read over what I have written...there is no better feeling.  The same is true of other things:  I cannot stand exercising; my body hates me with every step on the treadmill and every drop of sweat that runs down my back.  But when I'm done and showered, I feel great.  Likewise, going out and meeting new people often seems extremely daunting, and I'd often rather stay in with a book than socialize.  But when all is said and done, and I'm at home after a refreshing night out, I wonder why I don't do it more often.

link

My question is:  How do you make the end result seem more enticing?  How do you force yourself to find motivation?  How do you inspire yourself?  Online articles tell me to take a walk and enjoy nature, but that's never worked for me.  Here's a couple things that do:

Cut out the distractions.  For me, it's Netflix and the Internet.  The two biggest time-suckers out there.  I choose not to consider books a distraction because they can often be helpful tools when I write :)

Look through old notebooks/journals.  Some of my favorite writing has happened after looking through my old work.  Even if it's a hilarious 8th-grade diary entry about how afraid you are that you'll never find a boyfriend, or something...it can often turn into inspiration for something bigger and better.

Try something new.  I never thought I would like going to movies by myself.  Or Pilates classes.  But after trying both of those things, I felt happier and much more energized.  Taking a random ballroom-dancing lesson was one of the coolest things I've ever done, and it definitely inspired me to try more new things.  (College students have the advantage here:  there are always awesome things going on around campus.)

link

Change your environment.  I often try to write in my bed.  It's comfortable, there's a lamp, and I have the TV and a book right there.  This is not good.  My bed = laziness.  My bed = bad writing.  When I switch to sitting at my desk, I always get more done.  When I go to the public library, I get LOADS done and am more inspired to write.  It's kind of amazing what a change in location can do for your writing.

link

Force yourself.  Just do it.  Even if you're dreading it.  Even if it seems like you'd rather do anything else.  Do it anyway.  You'll feel better afterward.  (This is the one I need to enforce the most.)

I so badly want to pull myself out of this slump.  I want to feel better about myself and be more productive.  I want to be a more inspiring, inspired person.  I want, I want, I want...

link

xoxochelsea

Small Town Living

"I wish I could show you the little village where I was born.  It's so lovely there...I used to think it too small to spend a life in, but now I'm not so sure." - Mary Kelly

"Who you lookin' for
What is his name
you can prob'ly find him
at the football game
it's a small town
you know what I mean
it's a small town, son
and we all support the team."
- James McMurtry

The streets are quieter here.  There are no stoplights, only a handful of stop signs.  You can walk two blocks and be at the public library, one more and you're at the bank.  You can leave your house unlocked, garage door wide open, and not have to worry.  Your landlord is your brother's best friend from high school, and the guy cashing your check at the bank also taught you how to use a computer when you were in middle school.  The town revolves mostly around farming, basketball, and the annual Christmas get-together at the fire station uptown - nothing too exciting really happens here.  But you wouldn't live anywhere else.

Sometimes, when it's winter and it's snowing, you go outside to grab something from your car and are struck by the silence of the street - you think you can almost hear the snow falling, it's that quiet.  You go back inside feeling a little bit luckier than you had when you left the house.  The same is true during nights in the summer, when the only sound you can hear is the sizzle of your own grill and some faint voices from the neighbors' screened-in porch.

You can walk down the middle of Main Street, and...

even bust a move...

if that's something you're into.

Everyone knows your name, and though your husband is new to the area, they know his name, too.  You go into the bank, the post office, the gas station, the library - everyone personally greets you, asks after your family, your dog.  Maybe you wish sometimes you didn't know absolutely everyone (you're usually wearing sweats and your hair is always a mess), but you're always thankful.

When someone dies, the entire town (and probably the next town over, too) shows up for the funeral, armed with casseroles and pies.  If a storm is on its way, neighbors warn each other, offering extra flashlights or batteries; your heater broke last winter, and your neighbors invited you and your husband over to their place, where it was warm and they had hot chocolate.  Kids here grow up running a little wild, coming and going as they please.  Everyone eats at a diner called the Chit Chat Cafe every Sunday after church, where the Double Burger Platter has tasted exactly the same since the early 90s.  You graduated from a class of 40; you knew everyone's first and last name, and you even remember most of their birthdays.

I <3 my backyard!

The cost of living is dirt-cheap, even when compared to cities only 30 minutes away.   A neighbor across the street has an old, beat-up Eames chair sitting in his driveway - you've thought about asking for it several times; he probably doesn't even know what it is he's got.  You see a gorgeous antique bureau being loaded onto a Goodwill truck, and when you stop to ask about it, it's your best friend's sister's old boyfriend that's moving it - not only does he let you have it for free, but he drives it over to your dad's house for you and unloads it.

Main Street is always empty, or nearly so; you can walk right down the middle of the road most days and never see anyone driving.  Many of the businesses have closed, but when the hardware store was still thriving, you and your friends would go in and pick out candy, putting it on your dad's "tab", which he'd have to pay off later.  The librarian tells you not to worry about the fee for checking out movies; you'd get it next time.  There are no cops here, and when the cop from the next town makes a weekly visit, he knows your name and waves at you when you drive by.  The closest movie theater shows new movies every night for two bucks; you go every week.

You didn't used to love it here.  You curled your lip at the sleepiness of the town, dreamed of days when you'd leave for somewhere bigger and better.  But you've grown up, and you've decided that a small town suits you so much better than a big city.  You couldn't trade the silent streets and friendly people for big buildings and busy traffic.  This is where you belong.

Beautiful weather on a walk with Riley!

xoxochelsea

Who Needs Mexico?

So during one of my ridiculously long absences from blogging, I got married.  And then went on a honeymoon.  And then forgot to write about any of it or share photos.  While doing a little web-surfing for our trip to Florida this October (Disney World), I got all nostalgic over the things we did on our honeymoon.  Rather than getting passports, booking a flight, and leaving the country, we decided to keep it low-key and relaxed by road-trippin' it to Florida to go to Universal Studios.  There were several reasons for this:  1.) I have only flown once in my life and am, to be honest, a little afraid of it.  2.)  I have also only been out of the country once, and due to a (funny in retrospect, but terrifying in the moment) little incident where we were stranded in Belize, I am a little hesitant to travel to unfamiliar places.  3.) I was still in college, on a college-student budget.  In other words, we were broke-ass po'.  4.)  We are really just children in grown-up bodies.  Jared and I like video games, cartoons, and amusement parks.  Our favorite dates involve rollerskating and pizza.  My 21st birthday festivities included Chuck E. Cheese and painting pottery.  I mean...

Our wedding night was spent in a hotel only about 30 miles from our reception venue.  Regardless, when we got there, we were exhausted.  Nick at Nite was playing a Friends marathon (Score!!!!), and we got in the hot tub and did a Magic Towel just for shits and gigs.  (Am I the only person over the age of 10 who thinks these things are awesome?!  I have like six of them.  The one we did that night was Batman.  No big deal.)  Then we opened the three gifts that I had managed to sneak along even though Jared said no, played a round of Cranium that was inside one gift (Hey, thanks, Guitar Jon!), and fell asleep on top of the covers with The One Where Everybody Finds Out playing in the background.  It was both the lamest and most epically cool wedding night in history, I believe.

The next day, we drove....and drove....and drove.  If you're prone to fighting with your significant other when tired or stressed out, avoid long drives.  Particularly when one of you doesn't want to drive and chooses instead to read books and sing loudly to songs from Moulin Rouge.  It was a hell of a drive.  Interrupted by a trip to a huge outlet mall, which Jared was thrilled to see included both a Hurley AND a Michael Kors.  Our hotel, when we finally reached it, was beautiful.

It had a ginormous pool, several fountains, a lake with a bridge over it, and lots of tiny little geckos everywhere you went (except in the rooms, thank Gawd).  Jared made it his goal to catch one, but they were too fast for him.  One day was spent almost entirely in the pool and the outdoor game room; that night there was a karaoke party outside by the pool, and instead of participating, we spent our time trying to catch this cute orange kitten that was hanging out in the bushes.  We are cool.

Universal Studios lived up to the hype.  Jared was especially excited about this:

and this...

                            

But I was all about the Harry Potter.  The details here were amazing - even the music as you walk from place to place is tailored to fit the Harry Potter experience.  It was awesome.

                                    

I guess the Prices enjoy a nice, cheesy thumbs up for photos!

We ate a feast, accompanied by pumpkin juice, which was surprisingly refreshing.  After two days of Universal rides and attractions, we went to SeaWorld; it was fun, but huge and deadly hot that day.  (Also, I kept missing out on feeding the dolphins.  Pushy tourists ;) )  

And I'm not going to lie to you, at least one entire day of our honeymoon was spent just like this:

Eating and watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians in bed.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!  We might be boring, but we love it!

A honeymoon doesn't have to be extravagant to be special/fun.  I don't even think you have to leave your house to have a honeymoon!  Just a few days spent unplugged from the Internet and cell phones, hanging out together and having fun as a couple, is enough.  Our honeymoon was special because it was us and fit our personalities exactly.  I can't wait for our next trip together :)

xoxochelsea

My Month of Gluten-Free Living

I've talked before about my illness and the annoying ways in which it affects my life.  Tired of queasy nights spent in front of the toilet, sick of passing out after a hot shower, ending up cold and shamed, lying naked on the floor (shout out to Natalie Imbruglia, hey oh!!!), I went to my regular doctor.  The dizzy episodes had increased in frequency, and the days I spent sick came on more often than the days I spent healthy, so I wondered if there could be something more going on.  "Well, we will do some blood tests to rule out something with your thyroid, and then, if they turn out to be normal, I want to try you on a gluten-free diet," she said, scribbling down some notes and being totally unaware of the huge deuce she had just dropped on me (in a manner of speaking).

"Gluten-free?  Like...no bread?"  I was pissed.  Bread is my life.  Cinnamon toast is what I go to when I am sad instead of ice cream, and glazed doughnuts are Jared's apology of choice (so much more preferable than flowers).  Pizza crust is bread - I fucking love pizza!  What am I supposed to do without Pizza Hut stuffed crust, doctor?  And my usual order of a delightful Sierra Turkey sandwich and a cheese danish at Panera freaking Bread?

"Yes, nothing involving wheat.  But they do make some great gluten-free options of the things you'd normally eat:  bread, pizza, cookies, stuff like that."

Right.  Like anything could equal the amazingness that is a package full of mint Oreos.  "So...you think this is what's causing my symptoms?  Or just exacerbating them?"  (I don't know why I like to use big words when interacting with doctors.)  Prior to this doctor visit, I thought going gluten-free was just a trendy fad, other than for people with celiac.  I pictured a snobby, manicured woman turning her nose up at a restaurant menu and requesting more options to accommodate her "gluten-free lifestyle."  I didn't want to be like that!  And god dammit, I had just bought a jar of Trader Joe's cookie butter!

"Well, either one, really.  You'd be surprised at the kinds of symptoms gluten intolerance can create.  I had a neurological condition, and then I went gluten-free about a year ago, and it disappeared!"  Hmm.  Well.  I couldn't argue with that.

And then she handed me a handy chart of what not to eat and gave me a book recommendation or two, and I was sent on my way.

"That is not what I have," I huffed as I met up with Jared and made my copay at the front desk.

"What?"

"Gluten intolerance.  That is not what this is, and this diet is not going to help."  I was, in all honesty, being a huge bitch.  That's what the thought of eliminating all things tasty and junk-food-y from my diet did to me.

"Well...you should at least try it.  Just for two weeks or something, so you can see if it helps at all," Jared suggested, typing something into his phone.  "Look, here, it says some of the symptoms of gluten intolerance are fatigue, depression, nausea, dizziness, and migraines.  That sounds just like you!  You need to try it."

Ugh.  Fine.  "But it's not going to do anything."

That weekend was Super Bowl Sunday, so I gorged myself on cupcakes and chicken wings.  "It's like my last supper," I explained to Jared, like I usually do the day before I start a "diet."

I started the gluten-free diet the next day, and I've stuck with it since.  I'm not going to lie to you, it does sort of suck.  The gluten-free cupcakes are always the first ones to sell out at cupcake shops, and Cookies Etc doesn't offer any options for me (son of a bitch).  Gluten-free bread is freaking awful, all dry and crumbly, and the one (frozen) pizza I have tried was the same.  My Valentine's Day dinner with my husband took place at Doughy Joey's, simply because they had a gluten-free menu and most other places did not.  I miss my Campbell's soups and my Twizzlers, and I am still not letting myself think about the fact that I really can't have anything besides a salad at Panera Bread.  (Sob.  I thought about it.)

But.  Here's the thing.  It's working.

I slipped up and ate gluten when my mom said it was safe to eat a Kit Kat (no.  No it wasn't, Mom.), and the next day I had shooting pains in my fingers and hands (like I had the previous summer when my other doctor was convinced I had rheumatoid arthritis), like four canker sores in my mouth OUT OF NOWHERE, and two dizzy/fainting episodes.  I also had a good amount of gluten when I drank some cough syrup (didn't even think about that), which resulted in vomit.  I had no other episodes, no migraines (which I usually get at least twice a week), and my mood was so much better.

You guys, I can't just shrug these things off as coincidences.  I have felt better this whole month (knock on wood!) than I have for maybe the entire year.  So I suppose I am just going to have to bid adieu to PopTarts and Pizza Hut's glorious stuffed crust.  (Which, let's face it, were not being so kind to my waistline.)  I'm pretty amazed at the way the month turned out, because I was super skeptical at first.  Jared has also considered going gluten-free, but the siren song of his WonderBread and his Apple Jacks is just too irresistible at the moment.

Though many gluten-free options aren't as good, most of them are.  These are some foods that have been my savior this month.

Nature's Path EnviroKidz Peanut Butter Panda Puffs

These sort of tear up the roof of your mouth like Cap'N Crunch tends to...but oh they are good.  Like a toned-down version of Reese's Puffs.  

Gorton's Grilled Tilapia (and other fish selections)

Jared hates when I pop these in the microwave because they make the entire house smell like a fish market.  But they taste amazing.  I am partial to the lemon pepper kind.  (I should note here, most meat that isn't the lunch meat variety is gluten-free.  Thank god.  There are also some good breaded chicken strips out there that don't have gluten.)

Pillsbury Gluten Free Cookie Dough

Thank God for Pillsbury!  They make at least 3 varieties of gluten-free dough.  I love this chocolate chip cookie dough, and, though it says 'Please do not eat raw dough' on the tub, I just can't help myself.  They also make pizza dough, and Jared made me some homemade pizza with it the other night that was surprisingly awesome.

I have also loved the many gluten-free noodles there are, and rice and corn-based mixes have been very handy to have.  I am still searching, though, for a decent-tasting bread without gluten in it.  Let me know if you find any :)

xoxochelsea

Forever A Lancer

Nearly everything that is dear to me, in terms of places/buildings, gets removed, replaced, or revamped.  The Cheshire Cat bookstore in Clear Lake, the bowling alley in my grandma's hometown, the public library in my own hometown.  Places that used to remind me of my childhood don't anymore.  My old elementary school is no exception.  When they tore it down, I was devastated.  When it was shuttered, but still there, my brother and I would go inside and walk through old desks and lockers, things that didn't have enough value to be auctioned off.  We must have gone there about ten times (one time scoring a dusty old globe, but shh, that's a secret).  But when they knocked it down, it was still too soon.  I still wasn't ready.  I wanted to go back through each and every room again.

The long hallway where the big blue Lost and Found box sat, where I once fell on my ass in front of several upperclassmen.

The kindergarten classroom, which I don't have much memory of besides the shame of stealing two pennies from a counting game.  I had this friend in elementary school, one of those friends we all have at some point, the one who talks us into doing things that we've always secretly wanted to do but never had the balls to do ourselves.  We stole money, we kept giggling to each other, until we were later guilted by our mothers into bringing the pennies back along with an apology letter.  I also remember making snacks as a surprise for the first-graders, a graham cracker with frosting that made it look like a traffic stoplight.  I walked across the room to give it to my assigned first-grader, and I dropped it, frosting side down, on the grimy gray tiles.  I looked around - no one seemed to have noticed - picked it back up, and gave it to her anyway.

The first grade room, where we had a bathtub in the corner that was filled with pillows and blankets for maximum comfort while reading.  That teacher was one of the best I've ever had, and she'd lead us on wild hunts for gingerbread men and teach us how to make butter.

The second grade room was where I had to confess to my teacher that yes, I had indeed pulled my pants down in front of the soccer field at recess.  She had looked at me, lips tight with what I now think was held-back laughter, and sent me and three of my pants-dropping friends to the principal's office.

In the third grade classroom, I don't remember a whole lot besides a few memorable visits from the school guidance counselor.  She talked to us about personal hygiene, and, on a day I was sad to have missed, she apparently taught us about "tooting," according to another classmate.  One day she handed out Starburst to some of us but not all of us, and she stared at the ones who didn't have a Starburst and shook her head sadly.  "This," she had told us, "is what segregation feels like."  Some kids cried.  The aforementioned penny-stealing best friend had reached over and given me her own pink Starburst, a gesture that nearly made the guidance counselor cry.

My fourth grade classroom would be where I seduced my first boyfriend with notes written in Gelly Roll pens, NSYNC songs, and kisses on the cheek up in "the loft" (a giant wooden - treehouse? - of sorts painted red...it was where all of the fourth grade drama occurred).  It was where my particularly sharp-tongued teacher had told me I sucked at drawing, and also told me that she thought I was "probably ready to read 'Are You There God?  It's Me, Margaret.'"  I remember being extremely excited because that, as we all knew, was The Book About Periods.  I also recall a boy in my class saying to one of the girls, "Get in my belly!", a la Fat Bastard (Austin Powers was especially popular during this time), and the girl cried.

In fifth grade, we were especially nasty to a young, well-meaning teacher.  He read us whatever books we wanted, and he always let us sit on the foot-shaped pillows in his room during silent reading.  But regardless, he must have seemed an easy target, because we booby-trapped his chair with chalk dust, passed notes about him, and forced him to read to the entire class a book called 'Wonder', which we knew included lots of embarrassing phrases, like "Green M&Ms make you horny, and the orange ones make your boobs grow."  (The class voted on books he would read, and the girls in our class accomplished this goal by choosing only two books to vote on, 'Wonder' or 'Karen's Kitty Cat Club.'  I am an awful person.)

I spent quite a bit of time in the nurse's office when I was younger, asking for ice packs and searching my body for marks or bruises that I could insist were injuries.  I can't imagine how the nurse put up with it.  Connected were the secretary's office and the principal's office, where we would line up for fruit-shaped hard candies when we did well on spelling tests, and where I once vomited on the desk after fainting at a Christmas concert.

The gym is home to lots of memories.  Roller skating around and around the warped wooden floors with my sister and my dad at night, boombox set up in the corner, and I'd skate furiously over to change the song when "Magic Stick" by 50 Cent came on.  School dances, where my friends and I would sit on a pile of tumbling mats in the corner and talk about boys.  Various PE games that could double as torture (NOT including the parachute, oh God, I loved the parachute), including one my dad - a PE and history teacher - thought up that involved pulling one another's limbs as hard as we could over the half-court line.  Assemblies, magic shows, lip-synching contests, book fairs, volleyball games.  I might miss the gym the most.

The playground outside, where we'd jump off the top of a large wooden climbing thing we called "The Toaster" and every once in a while, pee behind trees, for whatever reason.  Under the outdated, wood-metal-and-tire equipment, we were taught by upperclassmen about "men-es-tration" and how, if a bug crawled into your hair, you could go brain-dead.  Girls-chase-boys was our favorite game, followed closely by talking them into giving us piggy-back rides.

The upstairs middle-school classrooms:  the library where there had once been pictures of Winnie the Pooh painted high on the walls, the language arts classroom where I once got in trouble for laughing loudly at a friend's hiccups, the math classroom where we once made our teacher cry, the English classroom where Read and Feed was our favorite time to socialize instead of read, the computer rooms which were fondly referred to as the Apple Orchard and Blueberry Patch, the eighth-grade language arts room where we wrote our spelling words in shaving cream on our desks and where I remember constantly ingesting bags of Cheddar Chex Mix and cans of Ruby Red Squirt, the science classroom where I remember almost nothing happening aside from dissecting a lamb's eyeball, and of course, my dad's classroom, where he kept old candy from magazine sales in his closet and scared students by smacking rulers on their desk.  In between those were dusty brick walls, enclaves in which a bust or small statue wouldn't look out of place, and of course the boys bathroom (where we often dared each other to hang out) and the girls' bathroom (where we would trade lipglosses in between classes and that always smelled like too much Victoria's Secret Love Spell).

The home ec room was where I was told I "sewed like a drunken sailor" and where I learned (kind of) how to balance a checkbook.  Across the way was the art room, where the door opened with the loudest, most specific noise I've ever heard and where I spent more time staring up at the painted ceiling tiles than doing anything else.  Next to the art room was the boiler room where we'd find our way through the various pipes and machinery in order to get to the eraser cleaning machine.  In the corner was the mysterious "smoker's lounge," in which we heard there was a gold jockstrap hanging on the wall but never confirmed ourselves.

It was rare to spot a teacher in the teachers' lounge; they usually ate at the "teacher's table" down the hall in the lunchroom, where we ate square pizza, turkey gravy over biscuit, and cake made of Jello.  Up the dungeon-like stairs in the corner was the music room (where we had one band teacher after another after another), the ICN room (where we were introduced to the newest and most cutting-edge of technologies LOL), and the shop (where my brother had graffitied "Fletch Lives" on the ceiling and where we had extremely awkward private band lessons).

God, I loved this school.  I apologize for the novel-length trip down memory lane.  :)  Feel free to add memories of your own.

xoxochelsea

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot: New Years Eves Gone By

2000 (because I don't remember any New Years prior to this one):  I am laying on a sleeping bag in our living room, eating popcorn and Junior Mints.  I keep taking sips of Mountain Dew and getting annoyed at the way the Junior Mints cancel out the taste of, like, anything else.  My mom's antique noisemakers lay beside me, ready to be put into use at the stroke of midnight.  We are watching the annual New Year's festivities on television, with quick switches to the news channel at commercials.  I am confused by the news coverage of people stocking up on water bottles and batteries - it's just another year to me.  The excitement doesn't faze me in the least, and I am asleep before eleven, Dick Clark's voice in the background.

2001:  I am excited for my best friend's family's New Year's Eve party, held mostly for adults who attend their church.  I have high hopes for a certain boy to be there, who I met through a random visit to said church.  Unfortunately, it isn't meant to be, since that boy is skiing with his family in Colorado, which I find to be inexplicably hilarious.  Instead, I spend the night dancing to the Grease soundtrack and Shania Twain in my friend's basement, decked out in an iridescent shirt and electric blue platform sneakers.  (Before I leave for the party, my parents laughingly refer to these shoes as my "blue suede shoes."  I don't understand the reference.)

Update:  They were these, but blue.  Oh God.

(photo from Etsy)

2002:  Another church party at my friend's house.  We dance, give each other makeovers, and "model," which in my case means I quietly berate myself for not being able to fit into my friend's tank top with angel wings on it, while she is swimming in my Gap t-shirt.  The next day, I go roller-skating with my sister for her birthday, a tradition that will hang on even until my early 20s.  My sister gives me another Gap t-shirt, and I repay her with Listerine breath sheets and cans of baby applesauce.  I have a "jerkin'" time...(according to my journal at this time, the movie Josie and the Pussycats was to blame for my usage of the word "jerkin'".  Ugh.)

Also, this:

I hope I didn't follow through with this "resolution."  I blame Avril.

2006:  I make the following New Year's resolutions, having high hopes because I have not yet realized that I am the worst at following through and New Year's resolutions are just setting me up to fail.

* Get good grades - I always managed to do this, mostly because at sixteen, my best Friends were Monica, Chandler, Joey, and the gang (see what I did there?) and I didn't have much of a social life to speak of.

*Make nice with everyone and have people like me - I want to clarify that this is verbatim out of a 2006 notebook.  I would never write something this pathetic now.  That's just sad.  I will say I was never actively disliked, if that counts.

*Party - This never happened.  And don't use "party" as a verb, 16-year-old Chelsea.

*Make fashion statements - Psh, I always do this.  Not to brag or anything, but I was def the first person in our class to ever wear leggings.  The boy I had a crush on stared at me in horror and asked, "What is that you have on under your skirt?  I don't...get it."  Hatas gon' hate!

*Make "trick it up" work - I don't know what this means.  Is this like wanting to make "fetch" happen?  Because Gretchen, stop trying to make "fetch" happen!  It's not going to happen.

2007:  I make the following New Year's resolutions, titling the list as "Things to Accomplish," but let's call it what it really is.

*Sing in front of a big crowd - Check!

*Get one of my writing pieces published - Sorry, this won't happen until sometime in 2010.

*Go camping - What?  Why would I want to do this?!  I hate all things associated with outdoors!

*Ride every ride at Valley Fair - This will just never happen.  Ever.  There are roller coasters at Valley Fair, were you aware?

*Dance in the rain - Puke.  We aren't living in a Nicholas Sparks novel here.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  (Is that phrase still relevant?)

*Find a guy who accepts me for who I am - Valid.

*Watch Titanic without crying - Good luck.

2011:  I am living alone in the dorms and am experiencing for the first time in a while what it feels like to be single.  I do not handle it well.  Unknowing that in only a few short months, I will start a relationship with the man who will become my husband, I decide to text my ex-boyfriend and ask him if he has a New Year's kiss.  I do not see this as being unnecessary and masochistic, but I will later.  When he says no, I tell him that my New Year's kiss is the poster of Robert Pattinson I have on my wall.  I don't know why I tell him this, and apparently he doesn't either, because he doesn't respond.  I eat some chocolate and fall asleep to reruns of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

2013:  I see a great movie (Saving Mr. Banks, highly recommended) and do some shopping with my parents.  I am currently laying in bed with my dog, a People magazine, and an Anne Tyler novel, waiting for my workaholic husband to get home.  I won't have an actual New Year's kiss, champagne, or a party.  I won't have any New Year's resolutions, which is just fine with me.  I wouldn't really have my life any other way :)

Happy New Years, everyone!  :)

xoxochelsea

The Twelve Dates of Christmas Revisited

A little over a year ago, I posted about how I wanted to participate in a trend that was taking over the blog world called "Twelve Dates of Christmas."  This never actually happened.  I always have good intentions about carrying out plans, it's just that Netflix just always seems to take priority over said plans.  However, this winter, Husband and I have actually gotten around to fulfilling a few of those dates...better late than never?  The fact that we have gone out on dates at all is quite an accomplishment in itself - we're more of the staying-in-playing-video-games type of people.  The highlights of the winter dating spree thus far have been:

Countless Visits to Different Humane Societies/Shelters in the Area

This is one of my all-time favorite things to do!  There is no other feeling out there like the feeling of making a difference, and even if you're just taking one dog out on a walk or brushing one cat's fur, you've likely made that animal EXTREMELY happy.  I remember one day last month, Jared and I spent over two hours at the Humane Society just taking out dog after dog on a walk.  We like to take the ones that aren't as popular with most volunteers (a stubborn golden retriever or an energetic pit, for example) because it's those animals that need the most lovin'.  The gorgeous girl above is named Roxie, available at the PAWS Humane Society, and we absolutely fell in love with her.  More interested in giving cuddles and kisses than chasing a ball, this one.  I would go alone to the shelters to volunteer, for sure, but it's always nice to have someone there with you to share the joy in spending time with animals...and to pick up the poop.

Game Night

One night, after going out to eat, Jared and I decided to visit Gamers (because we're the biggest geeks that ever existed.)  I decided to pick one game, and he picked another, and then we took 'em both home and played for hours.  My choice was Adventure Island II for NES, which was clearly superior to Jared's choice of MarioKart for N64.  (Though most people would argue the opposite...I am complete garbage at racing games.)  Following that, we played a round or two of Just Dance and Glee Karaoke, and then we followed that up with Uno and Scattergories.  It was a relaxed, fun night, even though it did get a little heated at times because my husband is a sore loser.

Ornament-Creating!

The empty plastic ornaments were three dollars, and the paint pens were six, both at Michael's.  Mustache made by Jared, Riley + paw print made by Jared, printed lyrics to "I Believe in Santa Claus" by Kenny and Dolly by both of us, snowman and jelly beans by yours truly.  This was a super easy, cheap, and fun way to spend an evening.  I also kept spelling it "Clause" instead of "Claus"...I was all confused by that damn Tim Allen movie...and so we tried to turn the "e's" into poorly-drawn snowflakes.  

Trans-Siberian Orchestra:  The Lost Christmas Eve Tour

Following a slumber party at his parent's house with two shih-tzus, Jared and I went to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas concert, which I had been wanting to attend for YEARS.  (The tickets were Jared's 1st anniversary gift to me, while I got him tickets to Valley Scare - first year is paper, y'know...) It was pretty amazing.  A little more singing and hair-flinging than I had anticipated...but still amazing.  Any concert that can make me want to play air-guitar to "Carol of the Bells" is pretty damn cool.

Vintage Christmas Shopping

I have a strong love for vintage Christmas ornaments, and that was the only thing our house was sorely lacking this years in terms of decoration.  This ornament I found at an amazing little vintage shop in downtown Cedar Falls is a near replica of an ornament my mom has, and I loovvvve it.  The starburst glasses were an impulse buy, but they look awesome in my glass case for dishes too pretty to use.  Jared doesn't enjoy shopping unless it's at Scheel's, so this was definitely more of a date for me...but he was a trooper, nodding politely at houndstooth-print wrapping paper and paint-by-numbers prints of kittens.  

Jammies for Riley!

Because there is not a whole lot cuter than a dog wearing onesie pajamas.  Please don't judge us because we are the type of people who purchase clothing for their dog.

Still to do:  hot chocolate drinking, Christmas-light-looking, and Christmas-Vacation-watching!  

xoxochelsea

If I Was a Rich Girl...Plus a Few Randoms!

I wish I could say that my family was low-key about Christmas gifts.  But, y'know...that would be a giant lie.  We aren't low-key.  At all.  My mom tends to go completely overboard and give us way more than anyone deserves - we're pretty spoiled when it comes to Christmas.  (Sometimes...when she thinks one of us has gotten fewer presents than everyone else...she'll go to her bedroom and creep back out with two more plastic-sack-wrapped gifts that she "forgot about."  Oh, Mom.)  Of course we know that Christmas isn't about gifts.  But we love giving them anyway just to see the look on the person's face when they open them.  (Our faces, by the way, are nearly always excited and happy, except the year my sister gave me a gift that an actual giant black spider jumped out of.  I still remember what the gift was, it was so traumatizing - it was a mirror that said "Rockstar" at the top.  Because I was such a rockstar in my Gap tshirts and lace-up bellbottoms.)

Christmas is one of the few occasions when you're encouraged to act like a child and get caught all up in the holiday.  Why not go nuts?  A girl can dream, and these are all gifts that I've been dreaming about for years.  Consider it a wish list for if I win the lottery one day.

(left to right)

Lomography Diana F+ Medium Format Camera - I have always wanted to get into photography.  (I took a couple photography courses in high school, but we were constantly running out of photo paper...so we got a free period most of the time instead.  I usually left and went tanning.  Let's face it, my whole senior year was a crapshoot.)  This adorable little toy camera would be a fun way to venture into the photography world.  I hear that with these cameras, you never know exactly how your pictures are going to turn out - risky, but often a fun surprise! Amazon, $39.95

Harry Potter Scene It:  The Complete Cinematic Journey - Right now, I own Scene It board games for Friends, The Office, and Disney movies.  While I'm pretty decent at movie trivia in general, I am fully confident that I could kick anyone's ass at the Harry Potter Scene It.  (Jared and I, for whatever reason, fall asleep with these movies as the soundtrack more often than not, and lots of times, I'll wake up with "I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black!" or "Yer a wizard, Harry..." ringing in my head.)  If this wasn't so inexplicably pricey, it would be on my game shelf right now.  Amazon, $61.75

Patrick Eats His Dinner by Geoffrey Hayes - This book is kind of a cult-ish classic with my family (along with Tan Tan's Hat, Labyrinth, and PeeWee's Big Adventure).  I'm not sure why, but we enjoy quoting it ("Little green balls of mushy poison") and then giggling like it's hilarious.  I remember reading it a lot when I was little-little, and all of a sudden, it became something of a collector's item.  Impossible to track down at any library, and super expensive on Amazon.  I would love to have this.  Amazon, around $175.00

Whatever:  The 90s Pop Culture Box - Like the many others around the Internet, I adore 90s culture.  Don't we all love the decade we grew up in?  For me, Gelly Roll pens, NSYNC, Boy Meets World, slap bracelets...they all evoke some part of childhood that I really miss.  This box contains 7 cds chock full of the music that defined the decade.  There are two other boxes (70s and 80s) which are said to be much better compilations, but I think these cds would bring back some fond memories for me.  (Like when my sister would listen to "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes and I would think she was so cool and alternative - ha! - or how my mom would get mad when I listened to "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.)

Demeter Fragrance in Suntan Lotion - The Demeter line carries sooo many fragrances that are completely unique, including Play-Doh, grass, and even...cannabis.  (Which, incidentally, I pronounced "ka-KNOB-ees" until...like two years ago.  No joke.  Eh, whatever.  Hugs, not drugs.)  My favorite scent, though, would be suntan lotion, which I haven't tried yet.  The website describes it as a classic "Coppertone" scent, which I can definitely get behind.  I also had a Bath and Body Works Wallflower in my bathroom that I think was called "Suntan" which evoked SO many memories every time I went to go pee.  Memories of my mom's favorite rainbow-colored pool float and the concession stand by the lake fondly referred to as the "Sugar Shack."  I'm hoping this would smell like that.  Demeter, $20 for a small bottle of perfume

Giant fireplace mantel - I have never actually come across one of these for sale, but when I came across this story on Apartment Therapy, I fell in love.  How cool would it be to have a big old fireplace mantel in your living room without the hassle (and cost) of lighting it?  (You don't think so?  Just me?)  Anyway, I think it would be super fun, and I would have a blast decorating the mantel for the holidays and filling the space where a "fire" would go with all sorts of stuff!  

nuLOOM Hand-Hooked Alexa Moroccan Trellis Wool Rug - I have wanted a printed rug like this for such a long time...the only problem is, we have nowhere to put it.  Our house is so full of crap and vintage knick-knacks I almost can't stand it, and our floors are mostly carpeted, anyway.  I dream of one day having a house with hardwood floors where one of these can cover the creaky boards.  Also, there is an EXCELLENT knockoff of this rug that can be found at Target!  Overstock, $142.00

Olivia Star Indoor/Outdoor Pendant light - I love unique lighting fixtures, and this one would look amazing hanging in an entryway.  I got the idea from 7th House on the Left, which is one of my VERY FAVORITE home decor/DIY blogs.  I get so many decorating ideas from here.  Pottery Barn, $149.00

What do you think, Santa?  I've been an awful good girl.  (Not really.  I have just been average.)

Also, another gift that I would be thankful for any day of the year?  Donations to the Humane Society of North Iowa or the PAWS Humane Society located in Charles City.  The animals found there need more love and care than any of us.

A random item I wanted to share:

How similar is this little hedgehog (right) that my mom made to the Anthropologie one I posted about last week?!  It is made from a recycled book and holds pictures/papers instead of pencils :)  I went over to my parent's house yesterday and it was just sitting on the counter - Mom works in the children's department at a public library, and she is forever doing crafts with the kids.  This is one of 'em, and I got to keep the result!  :)  I love the little guy.

One more random thing:

I would like to once again reiterate how amazing I think Emily McDowell's prints are.  These should be hung straight above my desk where I will see them (hopefully therefore living by them) every single day.  I am constantly afraid of things.  I'm afraid of change, of leaving things behind, of starting new things, of not being good enough.  Constantly worrying about how other people view me, about whether I am hated by former coworkers and friends that I'm no longer in touch with, about my life not being as fulfilling as others'.  I am one big mess of worry and fear and anxiety.  If I was a Mister (of the Little Mister and Miss books...), I would be that pink one that just looks like scribbles of crazy stress.  If I was a color, I would be dark red because that's the color I see when I hyperventilate.  If I was a celebrity, I'd be Amanda Bynes because I feel like the biggest mess on the planet more often than I don't.  I hope I'm not the only one.

xoxochelsea