Lies Hollywood Told Me About Love

Jared and I do "themed" movie months, in which we try to watch only movies that are in that genre.  This seems ridiculously type-A and weird when I type it out, but it works very well, since we have such different taste in movies - this way, we both get to watch what we like sometimes.  For example, January was comedy month, March will be drama month, and February?  You guessed it.  Romance/chick flick month.  Jared was recently given the option of Pretty in Pink versus Grease, and he threw himself on the couch and moaned, "I HATE February and March!  When's action movie month?!"  (September :) Thank Gawd.)  He ended up choosing Grease (which he had NEVER seen), and he was quite the trooper!  He seemed very into it, though he didn't find John Travolta's Danny Zuko to be as studly as we all know he is.  But while watching it, I was thinking... Hollywood is full of liars!  Obviously, they want us to see a happy ending.  But do they have to give us such bad, terrible advice in the meantime?!  Let me elaborate.

Hollywood says:  Change yourself, and guys (or girls) will love you!!
Examples:  Grease, She's All That, Never Been Kissed (kinda), The Breakfast Club (again, kinda), Clueless, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Cinderella, Crazy Stupid Love (Steve Carell's character)

Look.  I love a makeover montage as much as anyone.  When Andy Sachs gets made over in The Devil Wears Prada, I die because it's all just so glamorous.  And sometimes, ya just need a makeover (lookin' at you, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!).  And change can be good!  Especially when you're married and you're looking to change your own negative behavior.  But.  Changing yourself to snag a man?  Nope.  We all love Sandra Dee in her tight black catsuit and her, "Tell me about it, stud."  But this is how she chooses to hook Danny?  Smoking cigarettes and teasing her hair?!  And the worst part is, he totally eats that shit up!  His face when he sees her...It's electrifying!  If I was Danny, I'd be like, "Hey girl.  Don't change yourself for me.  Let's go get you a cardigan and a milkshake."

Also, why is it that a girl can suddenly take her glasses off, maybe let her hair down, and she's suddenly sexy and popular?  This isn't how it works!  It's just not!  I have tried.  And this isn't only specific to chick flicks.  Even in Harry Potter!  Ron doesn't even realize that Hermione is a girl until she walks down the stairs all gussied up for the Yule Ball.  Right?!  How rude.  

Hollywood, changing to make guys like you never works in your favor.  I used to subtly (I thought) change things about myself with each guy I dated.  For example.  In middle school, I had a boyfriend who really dug Jesus.  Like, Jesus was his homeboy.  I decided to start going to church and to youth group events, because I wanted to have more in common with him.  We broke up.  Then, in high school, I dated a guy who dressed solely in preppy clothes from the Buckle.  I did so as well.  I even went so far as to pretend I knew all about Halo and Xbox 360s and shit...simply to make a guy think I was cool.  Also, that Converse and black hoodie trend that popped up in middle school and then again in the first year of college?  Yeah....I was dating a guy who favored Converse and black hoodies.  Yikes.  (I saw Regina George wearing army pants and flip flops...so I bought army pants and flip flops.)  This doesn't work.  I hooked the one I've got now by being true to myself.  Which means making lots of fart jokes and impressing him with my Super Mario Bros skillz.

Hollywood says:  Grand gesture = instant forgiveness!

Examples:  Say Anything, Ten Things I Hate About You, Pretty Woman, The Wedding Singer, Beauty and the Beast

To be fair, this scene from Say Anything is unsuccessful because the girl doesn't fall for it.  However, it is still a huge and ridiculous romantic gesture trying to make up for some past transgression.  For example, don't even get me started on Pretty Woman.  I hate it so much.  That guy is such a dick, and just because he climbed up on your fire escape to bring you flowers does NOT mean he should be forgiven!  Likewise, I understand that Heath Ledger was adorable and it would be hard to resist those dimples.  But he effed up quite a few times.  He publicly serenades Kat on the bleachers because he...I don't know.  Smoked in front of her when he said he wouldn't?  I can't remember.  AND THEN.  Kat finds out that he has been getting paid to take her out, and then she finds a guitar in the backseat of her car.  And hey!  All is well.  Unacceptable!

I will say, though, that there are two movie moments that I would have forgiven:  the Beast's gift of a whole library to Belle in Beauty and the Beast (eeeek!) and The Wedding Singer's plane serenade of "I Wanna Grow Old With You."  Sigh.  Robbie Hart.

Also, this.  This is hard to not forgive:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC_Y9f3VGqY&noredirect=1

Hollywood says:  A player will change for you!  And a commitment-phobe will suddenly decide to become committed, just for you!

Examples:  Dirty Dancing, Sex and the City, Knocked Up, Tangled, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Crazy Stupid Love, Just Friends, Pretty in Pink

Here is what would happen in real life:  He WOULD have let them put Baby in a corner, because a playa never changes his ways.  Baby never would have seen him again after that summer.  And Seth Rogen would NOT have been a great dad in Knocked Up, Blaine would have dumped Molly Ringwald for a cheerleader (it's okay, she belongs with Duckie anyway), and Flynn Rider would have left Rapunzel up in the tower so he could go stare at himself in the mirror.  Call me a cynic.  Once an asshole, always an asshole.  This does not apply only to men, mind you!  

Also, could someone please tell me why Carrie Bradshaw is such a dumbass?  After Big leaves her at the goddamn altar.  She still goes back.  Really?  And then he sends her a bunch of emailed love letters that he didn't even write!  I mean, come on, Carrie.  I shouldn't care, anyway, because she could have had Aiden.  She chose Big.  Over Aiden.  But seriously.  Sucky people don't generally change (except not Steve, in this case, because I know he never would have cheated on Miranda.  That was a grave error on the writers' part.  Steve is an angel.)  

Hollywood says:  Kissing in the rain is super sexy!

Examples:  The Notebook, Spiderman (admittedly not a chick flick), Dear John, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sweet Home Alabama 

That Nicholas Sparks sure does love a makeout session in the rain, doesn't he?  This only really works in the movies.  Rain is one of the most unsexy things ever.  Almost nobody looks good in the pouring rain.

Hollywood says:  Sneaking around is sexy, too!

Examples:  Romeo and Juliet, Titanic, Moulin Rouge...there are definitely more, but I can't think :(

In Romeo and Juliet, the fact that they are from two families destined to be enemies doesn't stop them from kissing in elevators and making googly eyes through fishtanks.  In fact, it makes it even hotter.  In Titanic, they run away all giddy and try to hide their frowned-upon affair from everyone.  Hiding things really is not fun, though.  Especially when you're in high school and you're trying to hide the fact that you're in a relationship at all from your parents.  Parents somehow know everything and when it comes to boys in the house, they can sense them.  I once had a male friend over (only a friend, I promise) when my parents weren't home, even though of course I knew it wasn't allowed, and when my mom got home, her senses were suddenly superhuman.  "I smell cologne in here."  And that was all it took.  I was done for.  Sneaking around is definitely way harder (and a lot less fun) than it looks in the movies.

Hollywood says:  Hardship always makes a relationship stronger.

Examples:  A Walk to Remember, Knocked Up, Moulin Rouge, Twilight, Love Story, Dear John, The Last Song

In very strong, committed relationships, couples definitely can get brought closer together because of hard times, like an illness or a death in the family.  But usually, in the relationships that Hollywood shows us, that wouldn't really happen.  Take A Walk to Remember.  Now, I haven't seen this movie in years, so bear with me.  Shane West's character falls for Mandy Moore, right?  And finds out she has terminal cancer and doesn't have much time left.  Most high school students, upon hearing this, would turn the other way and, maybe not run, but definitely walk away.  I know it sounds awful, and perhaps I'm not giving teenage boys enough credit here.  But Shane West must be a saint, because not only does he help her finish her bucket list, but he marries her!  And I have a very hard time believing that Bella would continue to stay after finding out Edward is a vampire.  I know, I know, it's a goddamn vampire love story, it's not real life.  And maybe, if I were Bella, I would have stayed after hearing the news...but I would DEFINITELY have been outta there after Jasper saw my blood and tried to eat me.  I don't care how sparkly his skin is or how intense his gaze.  See ya.  (Actually, I probably would have left after Edward said, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."  Because ew.)

Hollywood says:  Stalking is cool and super romantic!

Examples:  Twilight, Say Anything, Pretty Woman, Love Actually, 10 Things I Hate About You, Ghost, Beauty and the Beast, 50 First Dates, Sleepless in Seattle, While You Were Sleeping

Let me break it down for you.

Edward, Twilight - Edward is the stalker of all stalkers.  He watches Bella while she sleeps, shows up unexpectedly in her room, is much much older than her technically, is visibly aroused by her scent.  Do I need to go on?  Team Jacob!

Lloyd, Say Anything - I know that the iconic boombox-above-the-head thing is supposed to be the ultimate romantic gesture.  But this girl lives with her family, right?  And the song blasting out of his boombox under her window is the song they first had sex to, is it not?  This is creepy to me.

Edward, Pretty Woman - I hate Edward.  He pays her to spend time with him AND to change her entire personality and looks.  And he climbs up onto her fire escape.  I would have pushed him over the edge.  Jerk.

Love Actually - There are quite a few events in this movie that could be considered stalker-ish.  The one I'm referring to, however, is when the guy shows up to show very inappropriately romantic cue cards to his best friend's wife.  At whose wedding he was the best man.  You don't do that!

Cameron, 10 Things I Hate About You - I will never speak poorly of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Just know that his character Cameron secretly hired a guy to take out her sister and that he learned French solely to help his love interest study.  Too far, JGL, too far.

Sam, Ghost - This seems unfair, doesn't it?  However, Sam, you're dead.  I know it sucks, but you got mugged in Chicago, and you're dead.  And now you need to let your wife get on with things instead of speaking through a medium to her and just generally stirring up a bunch of shit.  (Though that scene where he slides the penny up the door?  Oh, the tears.)

Beast, Beauty and the Beast - Steals Belle's dad, then trades his captivity for hers.  Originally keeps her in a damn cage.  Nuff said.

50 First Dates - Adam Sandler's character, taking advantage of Drew Barrymore's amnesia, makes it his goal in life to consistently pop up where he knows she'll be, so that they can meet-cute all over again.

Sleepless in Seattle - Meg Ryan flies across the country to meet up with a guy whose voice she's only ever heard on a public radio station.  This would never work.  Come on.

While You Were Sleeping - Sandra Bullock literally watches him while he is "sleeping", and lies to his entire family.  Yikes.

Hollywood, stalking is never romantic.  I had a former boyfriend send me angry text messages for YEARS after we had broken up; one text message involved a picture of his own poop that was captioned, "Chelsea?  What are you doing in my toilet?"  Maybe Hollywood should put that in the next romantic comedy?  :)

photos from here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here

A few other Hollywood deceptions:  Cheating is okay, as long as you really like the person you're cheating with (The Notebook, Titanic, Moulin Rouge, etc.); high school is chock full of sexy studs (John Tucker Must Die, Mean Girls); awkward, ugly adolescents quite often turn into hunky, beautiful people (13 Going on 30).

There are a few romance-type movies I've come across that strike me as very realistic, however.  Those would be Like Crazy (shows the ambiguity and awkwardness in a long distance relationship), 500 Days of Summer (gotta show my love for JGL, plus this is an awesome example of miscommunication in relationships), and Blue Valentine (which is hella depressing, but, unfortunately, pretty typical).  Which do you prefer:  the movies where they live happily ever after even though it's unrealistic?  Or the movies that relate to real life but don't leave you feeling the greatest?  

What do you think?  Did I leave any examples out?

xoxochelsea

Holiday Movies/Specials I Can't Live Without

I am currently trying to drag myself away from American Horror Story Asylum (which JUST got added to Netflix, by the way!) in order to write this post.  Not very Christmasy of me, I know, but it's pretty awesome nonetheless.  Jessica Lange can do no wrong.  I'll try to focus on this list rather than skin-mask-wearing murderers for now, but no guarantees.

5.  How the Grinch Stole Christmas

I don't know how people don't like this movie.  Yes, the cartoon version is a classic, without a doubt.  And I'm as tired of Jim Carrey as much as the next person.  But he pulled this role off.  When this was in theaters, I went five times.  Including once after Christmas, when no one else was in the theaters.  There's just nothing bad about this movie - except maybe the Faith Hill song in the end credits.  I may even tear up a few times...because God dammit, my heart grows three sizes when I watch it!

4.  Just Friends

I guess this isn't technically a Christmas movie, but it's definitely Christmas...oriented?  Ryan Reynolds (better known to me now as 'Chubby Bunny') is a god among men, and his high school infatuation with his "just friend" Jamie - played by Amy Smart - lingers around until he is a nerd no more and comes back for Christmas.  Anna Faris plays a dumb but hilarious role (let's face it, has she ever played anything other than that?) as Samantha, Chubby Bunny's annoying client.  It's just a fun, silly movie that simply isn't given enough credit.  Citizen Kane it is not.  But steer clear of Anna Faris movies if "smart" plotlines are what you're looking for.  The only thing I dislike about this movie is Amy Smart's character...she throws herself all over Chris (Ryan Reynolds) and like...writhes around on his lap and wrestles with him, but oh.  They're just "friends."  Okay, Jamie Pal, okay.

3.  The PeeWee's Playhouse Christmas Special

You should first note that this video is the entire episode.  You're welcome.  I'm so jealous of you; I wish I could watch this again for the first time ever.  There really aren't enough words to describe this Christmas special.  Here are a few:  Oprah Winfrey with her 80s hair, Annette Funicello with green teeth, three elderly women wearing booty shorts and go go boots (they have an official 'band' name, but it's unimportant for our purposes), a screaming Charo, the always-inappropriate Miss Yvonne, plus Chairy, Konky, and the whole gang.  Oh, and Cher.  I can't even think about this Christmas special without giggling.

2.  Home Alone

I love the second movie nearly as much as the first, but we'll just consolidate them into one, because it's basically the same movie except in New York.  (I refuse to acknowledge Home Alone 3, 4, and 5.)  A couple of things related to this movie:  1.  Even though most people think Kevin is kind of a shithead, I just think he's hilarious.  When he says to his mom, "I am upstairs, dummy," I usually pee in my pants a little bit because he's so awesome.  I wish I was Kevin.  Or any of the McAllisters, really - look at their house!  2.  Sometimes my sister says to me, "You are what the French call 'les incompetent."  Like when I don't know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich, make it successfully to my grandma's house without needing directions, or pack a suitcase.  (Though, to be realistic, why are they making him pack his own suitcase?  When I was 8, I certainly didn't know how to pack a suitcase.  I kind of still don't know how to pack a suitcase.  Suitcase.)  It hurts.  3.  I once worked at a video store.  While employed there, I worked with a guy named Kevin.  When he was hired, I felt so much joy inside...because if he messed up, I could say to him..."Kevin, you are such a disease."  And I did say it.  A lot.  In fact, I think he kind of hated me as a result.  ...Worth it.

Also, this is hilarious.

1.  Christmas Vacation

This movie definitely withstands the test of time.  It is still hilarious.  "And why is the floor all wet, Todd?" is still hilarious.  "Shitter was full!" is still hilarious.  "Don't throw me down, Clark," is probably the most hilarious of all, because Aunt Bethany is freaking adorable.  Also, my dad is Clark Griswold.  (Except for the corniness, and the pervertedness toward salesladies in the lingerie department.  Let's hope.)  My dad has totally stapled his shirtsleeve to a wall, and that whole ladder-falling-on-him thing has totally happened.  I'm sure he also mutters and gets inordinately angry with Christmas lights that aren't cooperating.  Also he likes eggnog (but when he drinks it, he doesn't whisper, "It's good.  It's good," in a really creepy way like "Sparky" does.  Just so you know.)

Honorable mentions go to Elf (I love me some Will Ferrell, but it's gotten a little old over the years.  Also Zooey Deschanel with blonde hair scares me a little.), Christmas Story (you'll shoot your eye out, kid!  Also, how rude is it when Santa pushes Ralphie down the slide with his boot on his forehead?!  Who does that?!), The Polar Express, Christmas With the Kranks, and A Charlie Brown Christmas (I <3 Pigpen).

Okay, back to my episode of American Horror Story!  Netflix is the best :)

xoxochelsea

My List of Highly Underrated (or Unknown) Movies

I live with a man who has never seen Grease, The Wizard of Oz, or, prior to last month, Billy Madison.  This is a guy who, when I talked about Gone with the Wind and how I loved it, responded with, "What's so great about it?  Isn't it about, like...horses?"  It's needless to say that the list I made of movies for us to watch together spanned more than just a couple of pages.  So when we finally watched Labyrinth together (one of my favorite childhood movies), my hopes were high.  Unfortunately, he fell asleep less than halfway through it.  I don't know who could fall asleep while David Bowie is singing about stealing babies.  His argument was that I have poor taste in movies, but my argument was that I just see the value in all sorts of underrated movies, while he does not!  And I shouldn't listen to someone who claims his favorite movie is Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween.

Anyway.  The following are movies which I absolutely LOVE but which get almost no credit, in my opinion - not just from my horror-movie-obsessed husband, either.  If you haven't seen these movies, get 'em on your list - they're great!! (All videos from youtube)

500 Days of Summer

This movie sparked my love for all things Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Zooey Deschanel (who I also love, and who is rocking some cute bangs and outfits in this movie) plays Summer, a girl who "doesn't believe in love."  JGL plays Tom, who falls for her.  I don't love Zooey's character in this movie, but that's basically the only thing I don't love about it.  It is probably the most creative movie I have ever seen, in terms of the way they shot it.  Chloe Moretz also plays Tom's badass little sister, and the movie has an amazing soundtrack.  I just can't even say enough good things about this movie.  Go watch it!

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

I'm actually not sure if this movie is underrated or not, because honestly, it's kind of a piece of crap.  But it's funny, campy, 1989 awesomeness, and I love it.  Bill and Ted are like the poor man's Wayne and Garth, and somehow, they manage to travel through time collecting historical figures (including Beethoven and Socrates) for their school's history project.  It's just fun.  "Be excellent to each other."  :)  Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, though?  Not so excellent.

Blue Valentine

Michelle Williams got an Oscar nod for her role in this movie, and while her acting was definitely amazing, I thought Ryan Gosling got the shaft.  He was SO GOOD in his role of a tired, run-down father and husband that he made me cry, like, three different times!  Michelle's character was kind of a bitch, to be honest.  This movie has too many feelings for me, but you should definitely give it a try.  It's worth it just for the scene where Mr. Gosling plays the ukelele and sings while Michelle dances.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid:  Rodrick Rules

Let's get one thing straight up front:  I HATED the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  HATED IT.  I thought the main character was a dickhead (if I'm allowed to say that about a child) and wasn't "wimpy" at all - he was just a bully asshole.  Okay.  Now that that's cleared up, I loved its sequel.  For whatever reason, I found this movie absolutely hilarious.  I don't know if it's because the chubby friend lip synchs to Tik Tok, or because the main character "poops his pants" at church.  Probably both.  This kid's movie made me laugh out loud, which rarely happens!

Dirty Girl

This little-known campy treasure is more of a drama than a comedy, but it's soooo funny to me.  It's set in 1987, so needless to say, it has a great soundtrack.  Danielle and her new, closeted gay friend Clark are going on a road trip to find Danielle's father.  It's equal parts funny, sweet, and sad, and there's a male stripper scene (at a drive-in movie, no less) that can't be beat.  :)

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

This movie is all in French, but don't be put off by the subtitles!  This is a true story about the former Elle editor, Jean Bauby, who suffers a stroke and becomes completely paralyzed.  His left eye is the only thing that he can move, and with it, he learns to communicate.  It is amazing and horribly, horribly sad.  Definitely worth the watch, but make sure to have lots of tissues handy.

Eight Below

Since the news of Paul Walker's death, I have been wanting to watch one of his movies.  I'm not a fan of the Fast and Furious series, but I love Eight Below.  Dogs are very close to my heart, and this movie is about what happens to them when two Antarctic explorers have to leave them to fend for themselves.  Sweet, sad, and touching; I think it is one of Paul Walker's best.

Fear

I don't understand why this movie wasn't more popular than it was.  Starring a young Reese Witherspoon and a sexy, sexy Mark Wahlberg, this movie is about a scarily-abusive relationship.  

Going the Distance

This romantic comedy stars Justin Long and Drew Barrymore.  I have no idea why it's not more popular than it is.  It is more raunchy than most romantic comedies, but I thought it was a helluva lot more funny too!  I don't like Justin Long at all, but I was willing to overlook his feminine mouth for this hilarious movie about a long-distance relationship.

Hachi

Again, since dogs are so close to my heart, I included this sweet true story about a dog who is faithful to his owner, even after extreme circumstances part them.  Richard Gere plays a college professor who rescues Hachi and forms an amazing bond with him.  Grab tissues on this one.  :(

Happy

I don't normally enjoy documentaries that much, but this was a great one.  It was all about what constitutes happiness in different places around the world, and how some countries can need so little and still be so so happy.  It was inspiring and uplifting, but I guess it has to be with a title like "Happy."

Hot Rod

Rod (Andy Samberg) is a stuntman who isn't so great at his job.  That is the premise of this movie that makes me pee my pants laughing.  The first time I watched it, I hated it, but it only gets better the more you watch it, so give it a chance!  It is definitely dumb humor, so you have to watch it with pretty unsophisticated expectations.  This is probably one of my favorite movies of all time.

The Impossible

Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor are FANTASTIC in this fist-clenching movie about the 2004 tsunami off the coast of Thailand.  A true story, it's all about what happens when one family gets separated from one another in the tragedy.  It's emotional and it makes your pulse race.  The three young boys put on a wonderful performance as well.

O

Okay, I haven't seen this one in quite some time, so forgive me if you watch it and it sucks.  Based on Shakespeare's Othello, this movie stars Julia Stiles and Josh Hartnett.  It centers around a high school basketball player and the lengths his friend will go to in order to manipulate him.  Pretty dramatic stuff.

The Orphanage

This Spanish ghost story is the work of Guillermo del Toro.  Again, don't let the subtitles deter you - it's a pretty terrifying movie.  A woman moves back to her childhood orphanage with her son, who begins communicating with an unseen friend.  It sounds cliched, but del Toro does something really unexpected with the typical ghost story.  I love this.

Pan's Labyrinth

Another Spanish subtitled film by Guillermo del Toro, and I love this one just as much.  A spooky tale about a stepdaughter of an awful army officer who steps into a fantasy world to escape.  Creepy and strange and awesome!

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio

Based on the true story of a 1950s housewife who wins contests in order to support her ten children.  Starring Julianne Moore and Woody Harrelson, who does an impeccable job in the role of a reluctant, grumpy husband.  This movie captivated me.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

This movie stars the adorable Michael Cera, who must defeat his new girlfriend's seven evil exes in order to win her heart.  Silly and fun, with tons of video game references.

Shag

This fun summertime movie was filmed in 1989 but set in swingin' sixties Myrtle Beach.  Four girlfriends head to Myrtle Beach for an irresponsible weekend of boys and drinking.  Starring Bridget Fonda and Phoebe Cates.  I love the fashion and music of this movie; it always perks me up when I feel down.

The Slammin' Salmon

Brought to you by the same guys who made Super Troopers, this movie is a not-quite-as-good version of Waiting.  A group of waiters decide to see who can make the most money in one night.  Hijinks ensue, etc.  The late, great Michael Clarke Duncan plays the owner of the restaurant.  It's a pretty dumb movie, but there are some parts that I find hilarious!

Stardust

This movie is based on a novel by Neil Gaiman, and I actually enjoyed the movie better, for once.  It stars Claire Danes, Ewan McGregor, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Robert DeNiro, and the plot is absolutely magical!  Ewan McGregor's character ventures past the wall that separates our world from a magical realm, and he runs into a fallen star (Claire Danes).  I loved this.  It's like a grown up fairy tale.

Stir of Echoes

This horror/suspense movie goes largely unnoticed, and I don't know why, because I think it's great!  Kevin Bacon plays a guy who, once hypnotized, finds himself seeing things that other people don't.  A young girl begins appearing to him, and he finds himself trying to resolve the mystery that surrounds her.  I think it's an awesome plot, and the little boy who plays Kevin Bacon's son is frigging adorable.

Threesome

Okay.  Don't judge me for liking this movie.  I don't even know why.  It is so cheesy and campy and fun that I can't help but love it.  Two guys and a girl end up roomed together in a college dorm.  At first, things are awkward between them.  But then the three become close friends...and maybe a bit more?  Sigh.  It's just fun.

Willard

Willard has some kind of bond with rats, and he uses them to fulfill his sociopathic wishes.  I don't really know how to explain this movie.  It's very weird, and Crispin Glover creeps me the eff out as Willard.  Watch this wanting to laugh at it.  Watched while in a good mood, it's super fun, if a bit creepy.

Yes Man

I grow tired of Jim Carrey quickly, and him and Zooey Deschanel do NOT a couple make.  Put those things aside, and I really love this movie.  It was kind of a box office flop, but it inspires me - basically, Jim Carrey's character makes a pact to say "yes" to everything for a year.  It made me want to go, like, rock climbing and do karaoke and stuff.  

I'm sure there are more, but I think I have gone on for long enough!  I think all of these movies deserve more recognition than they were given.  Give them a shot if you're bored and see how you like 'em!

xoxochelsea

I'll Never Let Go, Jack...(Or, Why I Simultaneously Love and Hate the Greatest Love Story of Our Time)

I know, I know.  It's been ages since Titanic 3D hit theaters, but hey, guess what?  I'm still not over it.  In fact, if I think too much about certain things in the movie (Celine Dion's heartwrenching vocals, the band playing Nearer my God to Thee, just to name a few), I will without a doubt start crying.  Titanic is the only movie that has had these near-traumatic effects on me...with the exception of Selena, which my caring sister dragged me to when I was, like, six, and then J.Lo/Selena DIES and I didn't talk for four days.  But that's another story. 

I didn't see this movie in its entirety until I was probably about 13 - when it came out, I was only 7, and my mom wanted to protect me, I'm sure, not from all the dying people flailing in the water and bouncing off propellers on the way down, but from Rose's little "Wearing this, wearing only this" scene.  I was too distracted by Jack's adorable floppy bangs to notice that Rose was naked, anyway.  Although I had never seen the film, my elementary school friend Jordan and I used to spend some time looking at my sister's Titanic "official" movie book, even fighting over who got to kiss Leonardo's shabby-trousered butt on a page depicting the party scene.  (In retrospect, that seems just really weird.  I mean, kissing a picture of Jack Dawson's...butt?  Really?)

By the time I finally watched our 2-tape VHS version, it was only because my sister had begged me to, and I instantly regretted it.  I think I sobbed through the entire second tape.  Or...I don't know, as soon as "Iceberg, right ahead!"  I sobbed aloud when poor innocent Fabrizio got nailed by a smokestack and ended up with a splitting headache and swollen eyes.  The next week, I went with my dad to Fleet Farm and spotted the cover of the Titanic soundtrack in the music section...and burst into tears.  I never watched the movie again, except in tiny little snippets on TBS (and even then only PRE-iceberg-impact, of  course), until a few weeks ago...in all its 3D glory. 

This is me in real life...also husband! :) :

And this is me after viewing Titanic on the big screen for the very first time, as well as the only photographic evidence of how drop-dead sexy I am after I've been crying for approximately 3 hours straight:

You can see that my heart, it goes on.

So although I love this movie, because oh my god Jack Dawson and...well that's it really, I also kind of hate it.  For breaking my heart, but for other things as well.  So without further ado...

Reasons I Love Titanic:
1.  Oh my God, Jack Dawson.

When I was younger, there was no one that could rival Mr. Dawson.  Or Mr. DiCaprio, I suppose.  Although before I was exposed to photos of Leo in Titanic, I had only ever seen him in What's Eating Gilbert Grape and thought he was actually, well...you know.  But oh no.  Those eyes.  Those bangs!  Everyone knows that the sexiest part of Titanic is when Jack is drawing Rose and he is flicking the bangs out of his face and concentrating and being artistic.  Not the hand on the window thing.  No.  The only thing that came close to this crush/obsession was that of Zack Morris of Saved by the Bell.  Zack and Jack, my two loves.

2.  The party scene.

I have no doubt that I would be down here in steerage with these guys.  Not up there in the "smoking room" talking about stocks and how a man makes his own luck.  No thank you.  On another note, why don't more men wear suspenders nowadays?

3.  "It is a little slut, isn't it?"

Yes, Cal Hockley is an asshole.  Yes, we all hate him.  Yes, he probably spends an hour combing his hair and perfecting his pouty-lipped smirk in the mirror in the morning.  But if you were Cal, wouldn't you have gave Rose a lil' smack too?  Or at least thought about it?  Rose, Cal already knows you don't want to marry him.  You've made it very clear by this point.  Did you really have to rub it in by putting the naked picture of yourself that another man drew in the safe for Cal to find?  Wasn't that a bit much? 

I still hate Cal.  Don't get me wrong.  But I'm no fan of Rose either.

I was honestly more distracted by Cal's sleepy bedroom eyes and apparent guyliner the entire time.

4.  The Unsinkable Molly Brown

Duh.

5.  When Rose gets off the lifeboat to be with Jack...

tears and snot were basically streaming unchecked down my face and into my mouth.  There was really nothing I could do.  It was like a rainstorm.  So I had to use Jared's sleeve throughout the whole rest of the movie.

Rose is stupid, though, I won't argue with that.



Reasons I Hate Titanic:

1.  Oh my God, the mom.

What. A. Bitch.  She even looks like one.  Plus, she didn't need to yank on Rose's corset that hard.  She just didn't.

2.  The party scene.

Although I very much enjoy the atmosphere of the basement party, there are certain things about it that kind of make me squirm in embarassment for the characters themselves.  One of them being this:

Oh, Jack, really?

Another one is where Rose tries to impress the beer-sluggin', arm-wrestlin' tough guys by...standing up really high on her tiptoes?  I just have never understood this.  "So you think you're big tough men?  Then let's see you do this!"  Why would they want to do this, Rose?

3.  This line:

Gag.

4.  They really needed to kill the old people in love, did they?

It wasn't enough to show us how the band never stopped playing.  It wasn't enough that the captain and the ship-builder went down as heroes (albeit...kind of a little bit failures).  And it wasn't enough that the Irish woman basically sang her kids to a watery death.  No.  The sweet old people had to die too.

5.  How many times do they need to say each other's names, really?

I'm pretty sure that if I said "Jared" as many times as Rose says "Jack," he would have me placed in an institution or something.

6.  Both of these scenes:







I honestly considered not even watching the movie because of the "I'm the king of the world" scene.  I don't know why.  But I don't know why he does that.  Who does that?  The "I'm flying!" scene I can tolerate, but just barely, mostly because I'm mainly thinking about how that awkward sideways kiss must have strained her neck pretty badly.  These are the two most overrated, overly used scenes in the history of movies.  I will have you know that I was on a cruise ship, and I did not even think about doing either one of these.  Okay, I did think about it.  But I refrained!

7.  HE COULD HAVE FIT ON THE BIG FLOATING DOOR.  OR THEY COULD HAVE TAKEN TURNS.

Okay, Rose takes a 30 minute turn on the door, then Jack gets 30 minutes on the door!  This way, they both get up out of the cold, and it keeps their heart rates up or something.  It shouldn't have been that hard!  But no.  Selfish Rose probably didn't want to get her hair wet.

I refuse to believe that this would not have worked.  And then Rose says, "I'll never let go, Jack," which, okay, I understand is symbolic and whatnot, but then she not only lets go of him, but she fairly viciously tears his hand away from hers to let him sink into the depths!  Never let go, my ass!  Also, this boy in elementary school always talked about how snot profusely drips out of Jack's nose during this scene, and I watched closely TWO TIMES now, Alex Avery:  no snot.

Although of course I would have understood if there had been snot, Leo - that water was very cold!

Never let go.

xochelsea





Okay, I Liked It. I Liked The Vow. I'll Say It.

I didn't want to like this movie, I really didn't.  First of all, this is not a movie that originated from a Nicholas Sparks novel.  But people thought it was.  I wonder why.  I am steadfastly against the Nicholas Sparks-related movies (except, oh God, The Notebook, ohhh, Ryan Gosling), including but definitely not limited to:  A Walk to Remember, The Last Song (no Miley for me, thanks!), and Dear John.  I Just Say No to these movies.  And I don't understand women who say that Nicholas Sparks is their favorite author or The Lucky One is their favorite novel.  Yikes.  They don't know what else is out there.  So when I read the terrible reviews bashing The Vow and saying it may as well have been derived from a Sparks book, I said to myself, "Oh, boy, I won't be seein' that one!"

And when I saw the preview where Rachel McAdams gets married to Channing Tatum in an art museum wearing an adorable PINK wedding dress, I said to myself, "Huh.  Okay.  Well, I might be seein' it, but I sure as hell won't be enjoyin' it!"

So I went.  And I drug my fiance with me.  And we snuck in two huge monster cookies.  And I enjoyed myself through the whole darn thing!  So take THAT, cynical reviewers!  It definitely was not as bad as I expected.  I can't say it was good, necessarily, that would be against my moral code or something, but it was...nice. 

Also, the entire movie would have been worth it even if it was horrible.  Because while we were in line, Jared said to me, "So who's in this movie again?  That girl from The Notebook and...Tating Channum Carter?"  Yes.  Tating Channum Carter. 

Anyway.  You know the story; Rachel and Channing are happily married, but a tragedy occurs in which Rachel loses her memory and thinks it is 4 years ago, when she is basically a completely different person.  Channing's character must work to "make her fall in love" again, even though she is not even the same woman he married and doesn't remember anything about him or their lives together. 

Yes, it's predictable:  Do you really think she will get back together with her ex-fiance Scott Speedman and forget about Channing forever?  Well...hmm.  You need to read more Nicholas Sparks, I guess.  Yes, it's cheesy:  Channing's mumbling voiceover made me giggle, and at some point, Rachel used the phrase "live within the warmth of your heart and call it home." 

However, I enjoyed quite a few things about this movie.  (Cough...Channing Tatum's bare butt!) 

1.  The Wedding Scene.  I thought the part where they were married (in an art museum!) and got chased out by security was so unique and fun!  I loved Rachel's whole look in the scene, and the idea of having a little pink wedding dress is adorable.  Their vows, if a little over the top, were very cute, and I just enjoyed the entire sequence.

(found here)
2.  The Robyn song in the restaurant scene!!!!  Okay, this favorite thing is soooo tiny and ridiculous, but I couldn't help but squeal and turn to Jared in the theater when I noticed they were playing a Robyn song.  Robyn is from Sweden, and she's probably the most underrated performer of all time.  The song played in the movie isn't her best; it's called "Get Myself Together."  However, I am in love with Robyn, awkward dancing and all!  Check her out! 

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcNo07Xp8aQ)

3.  The book.  Okay, yeah, another case where I enjoyed the book better.  It was a very fast read about the true events that happened to a couple named Kim and Krickitt, and while it was more faith-based than the movie, it stuck pretty true to the plot.  I find the whole premise to be absolutely heartbreaking.  Imagine being that husband, who wants to kiss his wife goodbye in the morning, but can't because he's a stranger to her.  Imagine not being as infatuated with this version of your wife as you were with the one before the accident, but not really being able to do much about it.  I just think it's devastating, and the movie brought that out too.

You know you want to go see it.  Just do it.  It's at least a rental! 

And say hello to Tating Channum Carter (and his bare bum!) for me!

xoxochelsea